Goodbye, Mistah J


It’s been a couple of weeks now and though I’m not positive, I think I can write about it.

Jacob died on July 19th.

I’ve lost friends and family members before. This is the first time I’ve ever lost someone I dated…and not that long ago. It was very sudden and I think it threw a lot of us into shock. I mean, this was Jacob. As Dale put it, he’s supposed to still be here…doing Jacob-things.

I met Jacob in July of 2006. It was my first time back out at Salvation (Nashville’s goth night) since my previous breakup. I’d put off going back for a variety of reasons but finally put on my slinky black dress and boots and hit the scene. There’s a picture of me sitting on a stool against a wall, looking off to the side. I’m fairly certain that I was watching the dance floor…looking at Jacob (I always loved to watch him dance). We talked that night and decided to go out on a date. A meal and a movie.


Well, for the meal, we decided to meet at Waffle House near my apartment and see how that went before the movie (which is how he got the nickname “Hashbrowns” from my coworker). We did decided to see a movie (PotC2) together. And then we started seeing each other on a regular basis. He stayed with me more often than not at my apartment, which worked well as his family was waiting for their new home to be finished and were living out of a hotel at the time. When my lease was up, he moved with me into the house where I still live.


Jacob and I were together for two years, from 2006-2008. And it was a good time. Laughter, fights, gaming, and silliness. At one Christmas party thrown by the regional organization that my office was a part of, they had karaoke. The only folks singing were myself and a few other coworkers. And Jacob. In front of all of these very stiff folks he sang “The Humpty Dance”. Cracked me up and my coworkers decided immediately that he was cool.



The second Halloween we were together, we dressed up as the Joker and Harley Quinn from the animated Batman series. It was the first time I ever dressed as Harley. It’s hard to believe I’ve been wearing that costume regularly since 2007. But he was my first and so far only Mistah J. No one has ever come close to matching his ability to pull off that costume. The mallet that I’ve dragged to conventions and charity events is the one he made for me. It’s still holding up. Somehow.


In fact, everywhere in the house is something he made. Bookshelves, tables, a replacement shelf for a vanity, the mallet. Every. Damn. Room.

Through Jacob I met Dale and several other crazy folks. I spent many a weekend night with Jacob over at Dale’s house gaming. Either board games or RPGs. Or just having fun with folks. Even after Jacob and I split up, Dale and I stayed friends. Jacob helped me to get out of my small introverted box more than I normally would have. Though he was the paranoid one, I think I was definitely more socially awkward. But those nights at Dale’s house were some of my favorites. I still remember the game that was close-ish to real life we played one night. Then Cloverfield came out the next week. And it had an eerily similar plot. A weird coincidence but one that I’ve never forgotten.



Jacob was there to keep me going and laughing while I went back to school to earn my degree online through an accelerated course. While still working full time. And I did it. He was my first WoW partner. We started playing the same day and often quested together, even while in the same room. When Nana was diagnosed with terminal cancer, he was there with me. In the ER that night. And to drag me out of the ICU waiting room the next day to get some fresh air while waiting. He was there while I cried and worried that I wasn’t taking good enough care of her. And the night that she died, I made a single call to him and he met me at her apartment, just to be with me.


We broke up not long after that. It was mutual and without any anger or hard feelings. It was just time as we had incompatibilities that couldn’t be worked out while together. We still hung out, went to gatherings, played WoW, and just generally had fun. We spoke and kept up with each other through the years after that. Heck, we even discussed the issues that were at the root of our incompatibilities. Something I’ve rarely been able to do with my ex’s. But Jacob was awesome like that.


Before he moved out, I asked him to spin and mix me a CD. Just for me. You see, he was a DJ that spun vinyl like a master. I loved to listen to him work. Once he even tried to teach me, but I was a poor pupil due to me not knowing the music I was working with. Ah well. He had the patience to try. Still, before he moved out, he spun and mixed not one, but two CD’s just for me. I have the original CDs that he handed me, called “For Juliette”. They have gotten pretty regular play over the years and always open and close my backyard raves.

There’s so much more. So many memories that I keep running into. So many things that I need to write down.


I’ll never claim that he was the one that got away. Things worked out the way they did for a reason. But I will say that he was an awesome boyfriend and a very good friend after that.  You don’t ever stop loving someone. And I always loved Jacob, even if the nature of the love shifted into another type. I still do. I think that’s why I’m not dealing well with this at all.


I can look around my house and see him. I can still hear his voice. I can listen to the music he created. And I know that he’s not really gone.


But at the same time, he really is. I’ll never drop by a goth night and see him dancing in his unique Jacob-way. I’ll never see his character on WoW again. I’ll never be able to convince him to don the Joker outfit again.


My Mistah J is gone.

And this Harley doesn’t quite know how to cope with it.


I miss you, Jacob. We all do. Don’t mind all the crying going on here. Just take it as a sign of how much you really touched all of us meager beings. You burned brightly and we’re all glowing in the dark, shining with the light that you gave us.

“There he goes. One of God’s own prototypes. Some kind of high powered mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die.”


~ by rumielf on August 10, 2015.

2 Responses to “Goodbye, Mistah J”

  1. This was really good to read. I am sorry for your loss, but very happy for your gain, in having known him. I’d never even heard of him, nevermind met him, but he sounds life a really great person and I am happy that part of him lives on in you.

  2. Aw Juliette, this is wonderful.

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